We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
