i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
