goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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