new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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