did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
