Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
