There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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