If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
