So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
