Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
