You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
