Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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