Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
