I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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