I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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