he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
