4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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