I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
