I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
