Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
