A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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