Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
He did a backflip because drugs
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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