hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize