Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
