He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
