Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He passed out mid-signature
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
