don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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