Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
