tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
