dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
