Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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