my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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