yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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