The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
