people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
