he was CRYING into my vagina
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
