if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
