please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
