New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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