Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
