Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
