I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
