he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
