Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
