Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Randomize
