Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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