My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
