Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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