why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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