After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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