We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
