I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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